I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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