I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
