Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
