need another drink. this is the easiest way
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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