Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
