Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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