i need an iv and a liver transplant
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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