I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
