No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
