Don't make out with my wife yet
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
