i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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