I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
