Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
