i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
