I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
