my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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