If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
