I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
