need another drink. this is the easiest way
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
