Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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