wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
