Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
