How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
