Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Your dad touched me again.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
