Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
