She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
