So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
