just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
