Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
