how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
