His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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