Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
