Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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