there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
