i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
