who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
