We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
