I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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