I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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