We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
well you can't waste a boner
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize
