Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
