I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
