How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
