Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
