Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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