I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
