it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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