So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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