I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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