Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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